002: Mamahood and Mental Health

*Disclaimer* Look, it took a lot for me to do this blog, so please excuse me if I ramble, misspell something, have a run-on, etc LOL

My first baby just turned the big ONE on June 11th! We had a huge celebration for him, but I'm not going to lie...it was for me too.

Whether solicited or not, first time expecting/new moms receive a TON of advice that is usually pretty overwhelming. However, nothing compares to on the job training. I struggled a little with depression during pregnancy and was hard on myself because I thought depression meant unhappy...I was far from unhappy because Nigel is all I've ever wanted. How are you depressed when you're growing your biggest blessing? Is my life over? How will I juggle my business, marriage, son, house AND myself? Excuse my language, but SHIT! It was a lot to process in 39 weeks!

Other than the depression, adjustment of my new body and some minor fibroid issues, my pregnancy was pretty smooth. It wasn't until a few days before hitting 39 weeks that my blood pressure decides to shoot up and cause me to have to deliver via c-section on June 11th 2020. It all happened SO FAST! Now, although I had to bring Nigel home to a house that was 4 months past its renovation deadline AND during a pandemic, that didn't really phase me (too much). My mom would come over daily to help where needed (and love on her new grandson). To be honest, the first 2 weeks = a total blur. It wasn't until about week 3 or 4 when reality set in and I was now responsible for a whole entire human being and my life would never be the same. I know it may sound selfish but this is the biggest task any person can take on (in my opinion). Everyday at 6p when my mom left I would sob to her - I didn't know why, I couldn't explain all that I was feeling. Something was just not right. I thought maybe it was my hormones or the "baby blues" until it continued for days and then weeks and then months. I am so thankful for my OB-GYN who checked in on me and told me its been too long...I need help. I am in the self-care business and having a baby completely made me a hypocrite. I needed to practice what I preached but there was just no time or mental space for anything else. My doctor ended up prescribing me a medication that would help me with all my "feelings" and after about 2 weeks I saw a huge improvement, still had moments, but I was able to enjoy Nigel and all of his new milestones.

Whew, that was a lot! I feel like writing this may have been more for me than you!? LOL... Or, maybe this resonates with someone and you find comfort in knowing you're not alone. This isn't to scare anyone. I just feel like the internet & social media had me thinking I was prepared. Boy, was I far from it. You will see a lot of highlights when it comes to pregnancy and motherhood. While that's great there is more to the story...please always remember that. I have plenty of highlights, but showing the entire picture brings us closer to real life. I am in love with my son and would go through this a million times over just for his health and happiness. Mamas, you are amazing and I am rooting for you (and your mental!) Don't be afraid to ask for help. Now that I am a little more comfortable with my role as mom, I have to just remind myself to not be so prideful and accept the help, take the break, get the massage, go to Target and roam, sit in my car outside the house and just BREATHE.

If I started a petition for mommy wellness checks that coincided with baby's wellness checkups would y'all sign or nah? People forget about us, but we need to change that. Our energy passes to baby and if we have a healthy balance of all energy (I say all energy because 100% happy energy just isn't realistic) so will the babies and so will our future.

I probably just rambled, but its ok...I feel better haha. Mamas, take care.

with love & xo,

Virginia